I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
