i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
