I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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