I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
