we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
