I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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