whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
