batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do herpes really smell.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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