So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
