and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
