Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
