Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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