True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
