2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wear drunk well.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
