Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
