I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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