Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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