I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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