I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
