yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
