I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
3 2 1 whiskey
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
