Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize