i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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