Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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