i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
