We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
