you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
