you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
