video games are the ultimate cock blocker
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
