he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
