He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
