btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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