she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize