I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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