2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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