You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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