omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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