I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
