My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
