The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
my liver is dry heaving
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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