i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
