We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
