i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Send help, water and tortillas.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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