you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
