My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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