he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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