I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
