pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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