Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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