Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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