You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
FUCK WHALES
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
