The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
