No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
