U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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