possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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