I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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