If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
