I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
