just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
