Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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