My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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