she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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