I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
