Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
